ACCEPTING YOURSELF

2 Corinthians 10:7 “You are looking at things as they are outwardly. If anyone is confident in himself that he is Christ's, let him consider this again within himself, that just as he is Christ's, so also are we.”

There are definitely some physical traits that I struggled to accept for many, many years. It didn’t help that other people would point these things out to me and joke about them. And my own mother told me once, “We will always see to it that you have what you need, but for things like nose jobs, you have to pay for that, yourself.” I never pursued such things, but I did save up my money for contact lenses. I figured God created me this way; I need to be content with that.

Over the years, I have grown to completely accept these God-given traits and even be confident - in Him. Oh, and ladies, don’t hate your butt. Here’s my theory, I appreciate the form of husband, and he really appreciates the curves of my form. It would most certainly look weird if I had a man’s butt... for what? So I can enjoy looking at myself? Case closed. This almost negates the necessity to ever ask the question, “Does this make my butt look big?”

Why I think about all of this NOW is because we just came home from vacation. During such times, many pictures are taken. And my husband insists that we should have people in the shots so we can prove that we were actually there. I insist, “Why would I want to ruin the shot with me in it?” So while I have the pleasure of editing the photos, I keep coming across ghastly shots of myself. I’m not being vain, here, but I do this weird “eye-thing” which makes me look completely insane. And the more a camera is pointed at me, the more insecure I become, thinking, “Oh no, I’m probably going to do that eye-thing again.” So being self-absorbed in my efforts to look good for the camera - I USUALLY wind up looking worse! Can one even practice humility in front of a camera?

Meanwhile, I was given yet another opportunity to reflect and meditate on what was truly important in life... to get over myself, and focus on what really is important – the inner beauty that God will create as we allow Him to work in us.

PURPOSE AND TALENTS

Isaiah 10:15 “Is the axe to boast itself over the one who chops with it? Is the saw to exalt itself over the one who wields it? That would be like a club wielding those who lift it, or like a rod lifting him who is not wood.”

1 Corinthians 14:12 “So also you, since you are zealous of spiritual gifts, seek to abound for the edification of the church.”

The first thing we like to figure out for ourselves is, “What is life” and “What are we supposed to be doing with it?” I am comforted by the fact that we are all given purpose in our lives, complete with unique talents. As well, it gives me greater confidence to know that God is the one providing and equipping us, and that it is God who is in control...

The world is so big and confusing. There isn’t a hope for us to figure it all out. Most days, I can’t figure out what I want to wear. But the Creator of the universe loves and cares about us, and designed each one of us as very unique individuals. He also designed us as social creatures... to hopefully all work together to accomplish great things. And as social creatures, God has a vested interest in each one of us as individuals and desires a personal relationship with us. Wow!

Once we understand and accept this, the next question usually is, “So what ARE our individual spiritual gifts (talents)” and “How do we fit into this whole grand scheme?” This is actually pretty simple! What are you good at? I think we tend to look too deeply and miss the obvious. Our spiritual gifts are not going to look “mystical” or “spiritually deep.” God has given us practical talents. When we use these - to God’s glory and in God’s strength – these talents become Spirit-centered... Serving God by serving others with our talents become spiritual gifts.

God, in His infinite wisdom, also blessed us with a variety of gifts that differ from other people, so we’d have to work together as a team. Ever notice while working on a project with other people, you really develop close and meaningful friendships? As well, every single talent is significant. If I wrote a drama, and there wasn’t a director, actors, stagehands, lighting and sound experts... there would be nothing. There would be an untold story. But only because of God, was I able to write anything in the first place.

Our finally question needs to be, “How user-friendly are we?” Do we graciously work together with our brothers and sisters in Christ? And most importantly, do we allow God to use us and work through us? God does a much better job than any of us could ever do. This will determine the “success” of any project or effort.

LOVE'S DEFINITION

Psalm 36:7 “How priceless is Your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of Your wings.” (NIV)
Colossians 3:14 “Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.” (NAS)

Being the artistic-type that I am, I feel things very deeply - sometimes maybe too deeply. This makes for some interesting “discussions”... (Okay, this can also lead to some very heated debates – ARGUMENTS! Yes, it’s true.)

So is real love – that “love at first sight”, tingly all over, passionate, romantic-movie-type feeling??? Even though I had logically thought through who I was dating and why, so I would KNOW I was choosing a really good Christian guy, I still felt some of that. So when we became engaged, I was determined to never lose those feelings.

Well, just as soon as the honeymoon was over, those feelings were gone. Unable to analyze this properly, I put this concern in the back of my mind to assess at a later date. Meanwhile, the feelings had been replaced with a kind of peaceful contentment... like we had already been together forever and this is how it would - should always be.

About a year later, I started singing solos again on Sunday mornings. As I waited to go up, I became very nervous – and then realized that these were the very same tingling feelings that we like to call “chemistry.” Well, in that case, I do not want those feelings in my marriage. Why in the world would I want to be nervous around my spouse? Does my hair look okay? Do my jeans make me look slim? What does he think about me now? Forget that! We have moved on.

Love, especially in marriage, should be a commitment. You cannot fall out of that – you would have to decide that - because real love is a choice. It is a conscious, selfless action towards someone. Your thinking shouldn’t be “What is that person doing for me so I will love them?” – your thinking should be “How am I loving that person?”

Most importantly is our walk with God. Imagine a bicycle wheel. The hub represents God, and each of us is on a different spoke. The closer we get to God, the closer we get to each other. When we make God our hub, our pillar of strength, our foundation of love – marriage will last. We make mistakes and fail each other, but God never fails. This is security. This is love.

FINALLY SOME MATURITY

Hebrews 6:1 “Therefore let us leave the elementary teachings about Christ and go on to maturity, not laying again the foundation of repentance from acts that lead to death, and of faith in God,”

Definitely we need to be striving for spiritual maturity in our walk with God, having a solid foundation on the basic doctrines and with sound confidence in His strength and guidance... but this all requires discipline and consistent dedication. It’s interesting how my devotional life will parallel my housecleaning tasks – the most basic chores of life - can very well expose one’s internal struggles.

Growing up, one of my daily chores was to wash the dishes. This expectation was very clear and up front in my mind, but after every supper, without fail, Mom would exclaim, “Well, I’m going to go do the books now, Tanis, you can do the dishes!” Grr! I knew that, and I certainly did not want to be TOLD to do that. It didn’t matter how sing-songy she made her voice, I hated that so much. This just made the chore even more detestable.

So in married life, it was ironic that when my husband and I split up the housework, the dishes fell to me. Even more ironic, after one of our first suppers as a couple, Len exclaimed, “Well, I’m going to hit the books now, you can do the dishes.” At first I did not know why I was so hurt and furious at him, but within hours the memories flooded back. After my tearful story and explanative request, he gained some understanding toward my aversion and compliantly abstained from making this well-worn statement.

Eventually, my freedom as the one in charge of the household allowed me the flexibility to rebel. For at least 22 years, I would let the dishes pile up as high as they could until I either needed something or I ran out of counter space. My husband bared it patiently, so I’m not sure what finally compelled me to eventually “grow up.” Perhaps the logic of, “why not!” and the spurring new cliché “Just do it!” And the realization that it actually felt good - coupled with the benefit of being organized...

So it would appear, no matter how tedious and seemingly insignificant, the basic chores of life are necessary to a healthy and happy life.

RECOVERING HORDE-A-HOLIC

Matthew 6:19-21 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

It is interesting how Easter, with its element of evoking people to purge, coincides with spring-cleaning. I could very well introduce myself as a recovering horde-a-holic. This has been something I have struggled with all my life. Not ever wanting to be buried alive, I have always fought to “stay on top of it.”

There are usually a few signals that tell me when it is time to do some maintenance. When I was a child, it was my mother saying, “Tanis, you really need to clean up your room.” Now it is my husband saying, “Tanis, what is all this?” Or it is when I houseclean and I start getting irritated with the amounts of items I must move and dust. The state of the physical room is usually indicative of the state of my brain. It is either swimming with ideas, or eventually, it is feeling very overwhelmed. I also find that if I keep a tidy house, my brain feels much more organized.

In the past, I learned how to let go of sentimental stuff, as well as to not collect exorbitant amounts of stuff in the first place. These lessons were due to making many moves, and living on some very tight budgets. But I still wrestle with letting go of knowledge... and things to do with knowledge. Now, this might all sound very noble, but I must ask myself this question: is all the knowledge that I have gathered over the years useful? Not all of it is, yet why can’t I bear to toss it or give it away? Do I perhaps think this will reflect the amount of knowledge that I contain in my brain? Or that I am losing bits of my mind?

With the advent of the Internet, it is easy enough to google masses of information. But I still feel the urge to collect and save what I want. So I now “horde” information on my computer - like typing out all my college notes into a file of documents (this project is still ongoing). If I can’t get rid of something because maybe someday I will want to show someone that I actually had this unique piece – I take a picture, file that, then give the item away. I just need to make sure I have lots of computer memory. It beats buying another house in which to store all these papers, books and things.

Or am I cheating? Have I really let go? I still have stacks of bits of papers and books to go through to enter into the computers. Am I disciplined enough to do this? Will I miss something if I don’t? Is it really that vital? A lot of it isn’t. At least I have a goal, and a system, and at least I am trying to work on it, but I still need to assess wisely and then, “just do it.”

DRIVING MYSELF TO INSANITY

1 Peter 2: 19-20 “For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience toward God a person bears up under sorrows when suffering unjustly. For what credit is there if, when you sin and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience? But if when you do what is right and suffer for it you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God.”

Aside from my dad, who is the epitome of “patience”, I always considered myself a fairly patient person. It usually takes quite a lot for me to get riled up... except, when I am driving. Behind the wheel, I become a different person. I can so easily become that road-rage fiend. Knowing this tendency, I started taking the back roads whenever possible and giving myself lots of travel-time. Avoiding the “race” is removing myself from the temptation to “compete” and is far more relaxing. Still, there are many opportunities to cross paths with “stupid drivers.” My immediate suspicion is that they are either on drugs or on their cell phones, and from there I continue to seethe and boil beneath the skin – and commentate – of course.

So just the other day I asked myself, “How is this helping?” “What is the point?” These other drivers are not out to “get me,” they are merely trying to make their way from point A to B. At the same time, they also are struggling through their own issues and problems, with other things on their minds, feeling lost because their GPS isn’t working, feeling tired and irritated, et cetera. (Et cetera including things like addictions to drugs and cell phones, and being “stupid-drivers”...) BUT, and THEREFORE, I am not a victim in this – THIS is merely the circumstance. My impatience is only hurting myself, and annoying any passengers I may have with me. AND if my anger would ever reach a boiling point where I would not be thinking clearly, this could cause an accident – which could hurt a lot of other people. Sobering thought!

The virtue of patience is not something one necessarily inherits. I’m sure for some people it may come more naturally than others depending on their personalities, but it is certainly something to work at. Patience requires a strength, not only to rein back the anger, but to be forgiving and considerate of others so you don’t even reach that point.

OBSESSIVE-COMPULSION MUCH?

Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

I have done the weirdest things under the obsession-compulsion-umbrella. Like when I was fifteen years old, after retiring for the day, I would not let myself go to sleep until I had won seven different solitaire games. There were many nights I would only get an hour or two of sleep. A few times, I actually won them all within 30 minutes and I’d say to myself, “Well, that was way too easy, and unfulfilling, I need to do this all over again.”

These days, if I’m not careful, I will be sucked into certain computer games. Four hours will seem like five minutes. So I will either give myself a time limit (if I can hold to that), or avoid playing - and best yet – don’t even try it out – even if everyone is saying, “This is the best game ever.”

It probably begins as a way to escape, but then it becomes the trap. After finding the coping method that works, I will eventually gain control over that area of my life, so I can continue feeling and acting like a normal person. Naturally, most of the OCD vortexes have been complete time wasters – time which I will never get back. I can only think of a few that have had any benefits. Like developing a spreadsheet to learn four different languages at once. (Ah, I’m still working on that one. It’s one of my life-projects. I guess that one is just too beneficial.)

These OCD tendencies probably began in grade seven with the messy-school-note-syndrome. Instead of “studying”, I would rewrite. It served as a great review, especially for the first page or so, because I’d start over, and over, and over... No matter how hard I tried, I could not write neatly. And as my hand got tired, the handwriting would become messier much sooner each time, like – the first sentence. Oops, start over!

By the time I got to college, I had developed my own shorthand, and developed the talent of taking notes in my sleep – these I would rewrite later in my “neater” shorthand while I could still remember what we had just learned. Even my “neat” notes were only legible to myself, which actually served me well.

Kids who skipped class would ask to borrow notes – which you would never ever see ever again. When you’d ask for them back and they’d only hand you some kind of lie – this would develop into a fight and they’d hate you forever. And if you’d say “no” – they’d hate you forever. It’s no-win-situation. So when they’d make their way over to me, I could show them my notes and say, “Sure, but you probably can’t read this.” LOL! They’d just grunt and move on. Of course if laptops would have existed back then, this may have changed a lot of things. Although, chances are I might have dropped it as I attempted to type notes in my sleep!